5 unexpected retirement relationship pitfalls Canadian couples face — and how to fix them before you exit work

And it’s more common than many realize. Grey divorces rose 26% between 1991 and 2006 but have remained quite stable since, according to Statistics Canada. Andrew Sofin, president of the Canadian Association for Couple and Family Therapy, told The Current that people tend to feel less sure of themselves as they age, which can bring old cracks in a marriage to the surface.

Not every marriage will end in divorce. But the data points to how tricky retirement can be for couples once they realize exactly how much unstructured time they’ll share.

“Retirement is likely to reshape your sense of identity, routines, financial stability, and relationship dynamics at the same time,” Dr. Robert Davies, a board-certified psychiatrist, told Moneywise. “Many couples plan financially for retirement; however, many fail to make provisions for emotional readiness.”

Research has identified five common problems couples face when they retire together, and here’s what therapists say you can do about them.

1. Loss of confidence and identity

After working 40-plus hours a week for decades — either for yourself or for an employer — work becomes part of who you are. It’s common for a chunk of someone’s self-worth to be tied to a job title.

“Retirement can take away much of what gives a person’s life structure, purpose and recognition,” Davies said. “As many people find out after retiring, we tend to identify with our careers far more than we realize.”

The fix, Davies said, is to build identity through activities that bring satisfaction before you retire — hobbies, volunteering, mentoring or close friendships — so you aren’t left feeling lost the day you no longer have to report to a job.

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2. Too much time together

As stressful as work can be, a job also creates a sense of individuality and gives couples time apart.

“There’s often a fantasy that couples who get to spend more time together will be happier — but this idea often misses the important role that work offers in terms of creating a much-needed sense of autonomy,” Dr. Navvab Tadjvar, a clinical psychologist, also told Moneywise.

Without that distance, couples can feel suffocated. Mary McLaughlin, a licensed clinical social worker and couples therapist, agrees that even healthy marriages can struggle to adjust to retirement, because people underestimate how different it feels to share the same space all day.

“You lose privacy, quiet time and the freedom to move through the day without considering another person’s schedule, needs, or habits,” she said.

3. Anxiety over finances

Living on a fixed income is a challenge unless both partners agree on budgeting and financial priorities — and for many Canadians, that agreement is hard to reach. Sixty-one percent of Canadians fear running out of money in retirement, and almost six in 10 say they feel financial stress every day, according to a CPP Investments survey.

Canadians now believe they need $1.7 million, on average, to retire comfortably — up from $1.54 million the year before — and more than one-third say they’re unlikely to reach that goal, according to the BMO 2026 Annual Retirement Survey.

In fact, 17% of couples say their financial situation has led them to consider separating from or divorcing a partner, according to a survey from Money Mentors. Additionally, 25% of surveyed couples admitted that financial matters have negatively impacted either their dating or married lives.

“The true emotional cause of these money disputes often lies in a sense of security; one person sees money as an opportunity for freedom, and the other person views it as a means to protect themselves from future risks,” said Stacey Sheller, a licensed marriage and family therapist, in comments to Moneywise.

If partners don’t explore what really drives their views on money, “all they will be doing is battling with numbers rather than resolving the real issues at hand,” she said.

One place to start: Figure out how your Canada Pension Plan (CPP) and Old Age Security (OAS) payments fit into your household income, and decide together when to start collecting each. Deferring CPP past age 65 adds 8.4% a year, up to a maximum of 42% more at age 70, according to the Government of Canada — a decision that affects both partners and should be made together rather than individually.

Similarly, deferring your OAS until age 70 offers a similar cushion: It permanently increases your payments by 0.6% for every month you delay — or 7.2% annually — up to 36%. These two payments combined can cover a significant life expense every month.

4. Relocation regrets

When Canadian couples retire, some consider selling the family home to travel more, downsize or lower their monthly bills. But what they give up in return — friendships, family and community — may cost more than they expect.

Nearly half of Canadians approaching retirement, 46%, plan to downsize their home within two years of leaving work, while 47% say they won’t, according to a 2025 Royal LePage survey conducted by Leger. Additionally, 41% of working homeowners are counting on their home’s sale to help fund retirement, according to a Healthcare of Ontario Pension Plan (HOOPP) survey.