Aug 13, 2026
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Add us on GoogleDivorce can be financially and emotionally devastating — and for many adults, moving back in with a parent afterward offers both emotional support and room to breathe once the legal bills start arriving. According to the most recent Statistics Canada data, 35% of Canadians aged 20 to 34 lived with at least one parent in 2021, up from about 31% two decades earlier. Additionally, more than a third of Canadians in their early 50s share a home with an adult child.
The question, though, is what happens if a mother wants to support her divorcing child without derailing her own retirement in the process. In this hypothetical scenario, let’s assume Louis is 32, going through a difficult divorce and is worried about his parenting time with his two kids. He wants to move into his mother Francine’s house, but she is a little hesitant about the idea since she is enjoying her retirement and doesn’t want to stretch herself too thin.
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Should she put her child’s needs first and roll out the welcome mat, or should she take a different approach?
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Saying no to a newly divorced roommate isn’t out of bounds
First things first. While Louis may feel like moving in with Mom is the answer to his problems, that doesn’t mean Francine has to accept the arrangement.
“A divorce can be a painful loss, and it’s normal that many parents would drop everything to support their son,” says Matthew Willner, a psychotherapist. However, as he makes clear, “support and shared housing are two different things.”
Willner says it’s perfectly okay for Francine to say she doesn’t feel comfortable with Louis becoming her new roommate, and other experts agree.
“If the honest truth is that you don’t want him moving in, you’re allowed to say so,” says Evon Inyang, a therapist and founder of ForwardUs Counseling. “A parent who wants to keep their own life while their child rebuilds his has done nothing wrong.”
While Louis may feel upset by the rejection, it could actually be best for both mother and son. “Saying no with honesty is more respectful than saying a reluctant yes that quickly turns into resentment,” Willner advises.
Francine can soften the blow by providing assistance in other ways. “If you’re capable and willing, offer alternatives like helping him find an apartment, covering a deposit, paying the legal retainer or offering to watch the grandkids,” suggests Kiki Jacobson, a licensed mental health therapist. “These are still supportive, practical solutions without becoming a live-in arrangement.”
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That kind of support can matter more than it might seem. An uncontested divorce in Canada costs an average of $1,845 in legal fees, while a contested one averages $13,638 — and that’s before court filing fees, which run several hundred dollars on top of legal costs in provinces such as Ontario. Disputes over parenting time or property division can push costs well beyond those averages.
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Boundaries and timelines could be the key
If Francine ultimately decides she’s okay with Louis moving in temporarily, she should still take steps to protect her retirement. This starts with setting clear expectations.
“When a grown son moves home after a divorce, the help is not usually where things go wrong,” Inyang warns. “What gets people is how quietly it turns into a permanent arrangement nobody agreed to.”
Inyang explains that this is natural because “you love him and he’s in pain, and in that fog it becomes hard to hold onto your own life while you’re busy holding his together.”
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To avoid this outcome, Inyang says the terms “have to exist before the moving boxes show up.” Jacobson agrees, advising that “before he moves in, have conversations that include expectations around household contributions, boundaries around space and privacy, and timeframes.”
Inyang stresses that Francine shouldn’t feel bad about setting boundaries, including deciding what Louis will contribute financially. “I know that can feel cold to a parent, but a man in the middle of a divorce is already watching one home come apart. Walking into a second one that has clear walls and a floor is steadying.”
Having these discussions can benefit both Francine and Louis. “Financial contributions not only preserve your son’s dignity but your wallet as well,” Jacobson notes. “As the supporter, you can easily start to feel taken advantage of if there’s no reciprocity.”
Lastly, Willner, Jacobson and Inyang recommend setting a clear deadline for future discussions, as it’s easier to enforce boundaries that are explicit from the start.
“A clearly stated timeline such as ‘let’s try this for six months and then reassess where we both are,’ helps reduce resentment,” Jacobson advises. “Both parties feel a sense of agency because ‘let’s reassess this together’ implies a shared future decision, rather than one person deciding for the other.”
What Canadian parents can do next
Francine’s dilemma isn’t unusual. With housing costs stretching budgets across the country and nearly 1 in 5 people in Canada living in an intergenerational household, more parents are being asked to open their doors to an adult child going through a divorce or another similarly destabilizing event. Before saying yes, consider these next steps:
- Put a number on it — decide, in dollars, what you can afford to contribute, whether that’s a legal retainer or a few months of rent, without dipping into a Registered Retirement Savings Plan (RRSP) or Registered Retirement Income Fund (RRIF) ahead of schedule
- Set a timeline in writing — a six-month trial period, revisited together, gives both people an exit ramp that doesn’t feel like a rejection
- Talk to a financial planner before making any major money moves — a professional can model how a temporary contribution today affects retirement income down the road, particularly for anyone already receiving Canada Pension Plan (CPP) or Old Age Security (OAS) payments
- Separate love from liability — offering emotional support doesn’t require becoming a co-signer, a landlord or a permanent housemate; the two kinds of help can exist independently
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Christy Bieber a freelance contributor to Moneywise, who has been writing professionally since 2008. She writes about everything related to money management and has been published by NY Post, Fox Business, USA Today, Forbes Advisor, Credible, Credit Karma, and more.
