Are you guilty of stealth shopping? What it is and who it hurts

What is stealth shopping?

Stealth shopping is a new name for an old affliction: financial infidelity.

Let's continue with the same-day delivery example. After months of deliveries, big and small (sometimes a scarf or perhaps a new toy for your child), you get into an argument with your partner about the number of purchases. Hurt, you decide to try and slow things down a bit. It sort of works, but you still feel guilty every time a package arrives.

A solution: tuck the package away, open it later, put away the spoils and dispose of the packaging.

Now there isn't even any evidence of a package arriving in the first place. It's just you and a little bit of online therapy delivered directly by Amazon.ca or Etsy.

You can probably see where this is going.

By hiding your purchases from your spouse or family, it makes it easier to lie not only to them, but to yourself. From here, your purchases can ramp back up as you get better and better at hiding the evidence.

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How stealth shopping hurts your finances

Stealth shopping damages your finances by hiding purchases from your partner.

Obscuring your spending habits can also trick you into thinking they don’t really count. Over time, each purchase can add up, especially if your stealth shopping is tied to a shopping addiction.

In a shared financial situation, stealth shopping can also devastate trust between you and your partner. A stealth shopping addiction may seem manageable until the unexpected hits.

Imagine if you were in a car accident only to discover that your partner had drained their bank account with secret purchases, and no longer had the means to support you during recovery.

Overcoming stealth shopping step by step

If you're struggling with stealth shopping, or any kind of financial infidelity, it's important to take the bandaid off as a team.

Yes, this means communicating with your partner directly about your indiscretions. Don't expect this conversation to be easy. After all, when you tell a lie consistently, it often makes those who care about us question what else we might have been hiding.

To make this easier try the following approach:

1. Own your mistake. Make sure your partner understands that you're coming to them for help in managing something that you want to change. Don't keep them in the dark.
2. Accept that sacrifices may have to be made, depending on your financial situation.
3. Try to involve your partner in the rehabilitation process. If you love buying yourself some new clothes each month with your fun money, but don't want to go overboard, then involve them. Sit down together once a month and choose something together within a pre-set budget. If you're a solo shopper then instead consider determining the budget in advance and having an agreed upon show and tell of the item.

These are just a few ideas to get started. As every relationship is different try to consider any similarities or differences in you and your partner's spending approaches.

It can also be helpful to have full visibility between you and your partner's accounts. It's important that this trust is extended both ways.

Note that sometimes stealth shopping can be a sign of a controlling relationship. Stealth shopping can be a way of exerting control on your life when you have none. Consider reaching out through this registry of helplines from the Government of Canada if you're worried that being discovered could lead to more than a difficult, but necessary, conversation.

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The rise of stealth shopping in Canada

Stealth shopping has always existed in one form or another, although it used to be tied to shopping in physical stores.

In an age of same-day delivery it's easy to buy now and contemplate later. The movement from in-person to online shopping has made it easier than ever to hide guilty pleasures like a shopping spree.

If you’re struggling with spending Money.ca has you covered with advice on the best budgeting practices and long-term investment tips so you can expand your fun money.

Sources

1. CBC: 4 reasons why 'funflation' is happening (November 16, 2023)

2. Money.ca: Nearly 3 in 10 Canadians keep a bank account secret from their significant other (Feb 2, 2022)

3. Shoppers Drug Mart: Getting help and treatment for your shopping addiction

4. Government of Canada: Find family violence resources and services in your area